I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
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And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
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you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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