Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
