I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
