I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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