remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
