his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
