is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
