Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I want her autograph on my taint
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
