Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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