The maid of honor just puked.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
