I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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