dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
