i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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