Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
