SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
