the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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