i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
