I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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