nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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