I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
