a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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