I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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