If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
