So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
