Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
