so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
