Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
