i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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