3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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