We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
