You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
