I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
