god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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