I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
