whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
