Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
