he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
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The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
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The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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