Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You ruined the universe
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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