No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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