ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
