best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
