Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize