If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
