Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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