i wish there were pregnant emoticons
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
