You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
