hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
