You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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