afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
