Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
As shirtless as possible
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
