if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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