his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
