Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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