New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
whose ass print is on the piano?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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