i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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