so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
