The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
