i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
50% drunk capacity currently
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
