once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
