then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
