I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
a search helicopter?!
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
