you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
