So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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