Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."

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(908): View more from New Jersey

you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog

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(563): View more from Iowa

For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.

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(812): View more from Indiana

Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time

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(313): View more from Michigan

Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...

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(714): View more from California

She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.

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(716): View more from New York

I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.

(1-716): View more from New York

I demand a full explanation right now.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .

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