Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
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Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
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I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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