His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
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He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
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I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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