yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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