I accidentally had phone sex last night
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
