I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
