now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
